A few quick movie reviews while I try to get settled in here in Georgia:
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
It's finally here, the Indy movie we've waited almost two decades for, and it's... well... it's not terrible.
To be fair, I did enjoy myself when I saw this. It's got some fun set pieces, Harrison Ford is charming as always playing Indy, and Shia LaBeouf was actually quite good (once we got past his annoying intro scene). However, it's just not quite an Indy film. If it had been called something else, and the main character had been named something other than Indiana Jones, I think it would have worked better for me. It really is a good film, but it's far from being a great one. I have a few thoughts as to why I feel this way:
There's too much CGI, for one thing. Way, way too much. It's obvious that a lot of the stunts were done "for real", and that many of the sets were real, but most of what exploded, fell down, flew around, or whatever had a disconcerting weightless feel to it. There were a few moments when large objects came to rest in a completely unnatural way that really stood out to me. There are also CGI bugs, and landscapes, and monkeys. Yeah, the did CGI monkeys, and the results are questionable as you can imagine. The original films did everything the old fashioned way, and they were better for it. Just because the technology exists now doesn't mean it has to be used.
The story is muddled, at best. Incoherent at worst. I'm not even talking about certain elements that a lot of people are complaining about, the step by step progression of the plot itself just doesn't work in places. Things jump around horribly, and what should be big moments are often glossed over as if they are racing to get to the next big action scene. The discovery of the crystal skull (it's in the title, so it's not much of a spoiler), for example, comes way too early, and just kind of happens. The prop itself doesn't look right either, it looks like plastic, and the way it's being handle makes it obvious it doesn't weigh as much as that much crystal should (remember, crystal is a mineral, as in a rock, it's quite heavy). After so much time, Spielberg and Lucas should have been able to put together an elegant and interesting story. Not so, it seems.
**BIG SPOILER WARNING**
Finally, there are the aliens. My friend Eric, a huge Indy fan, said to me a few weeks ago "I'm looking forward to the new Indiana Jones movie, but I'm afraid there are going to be aliens in it". Well, he was right. There are, literally, aliens in this movie.
Greys, to be exact. The crystal skull? It's an alien's actual skull. Turns out they have skeletons made of crystal, that attract gold like magnets, and frighten bugs, and awaken psychic powers in humans, and remain sentient long after the actual alien has died and rotted away and will talk to you (and possibly drive you mad) if you stare into their eyes. Really. The X-Files movie didn't have this much alien content, for Pete's sake, and at least Chris Carter knew when to stop giving you answers and leave things a bit mysterious (usually, anyway). This movie just doesn't know when to quit.
I've seen a lot of comments to the effect of "the Ark of the Covenant is OK, but aliens aren't?" Well, yeah, that's right. The Indiana Jones movies have always been fantasy, with strong religious overtones. They were about the wonder of unanswerable questions. They were not science fiction, and this part of the plot seemed completely misplaced. Maybe if they had shown the flying saucer at the end (yeah, there's one of those too), and maybe even the skeletons, but had NOT shown an actual living breathing alien it would have been better. Maybe. There are also some really odd plot points here as well. Why did the Russians need the Roswell alien, when it had nothing to do with anything plot wise? Why do the crystal skulls attract gold and other metals (gold is not magnetic, which is actually mentioned in the movie but never really addressed)? Why did they collect artifacts from around the world, only to destroy them utterly when they left? And so on, ad infinitum.
**End of Spoilers**
Like I said, it's not a terrible movie, but it's not a great movie either. Thinking about it, I'd say it's barely a good movie. In the end I feel the same way about this that I felt about Die Hard 4: I kept thinking "this is almost great, I really should watch the real movies again, since those actually are great". I get the terrible feeling that movie producers think that modern movie audiences are stupid, and need everything to be bright and shiny, and watered down, just so long as it's loud. The fact is that we loved the original movies for a reason, we don't need the updated versions to be any of those things. That they think we do it the worst part.
Speed Racer
The irony of moving on from a comment like that, to then review a movie that is basically nothing but bright, shiny, and loud - and giving it a positive review - is not lost on me. So be it, I loved this movie.
Oh sure, it's campy, and the plot is quite thin, and a few times it get a little too animated for its own good, but this was a good time. A visual feast that, surprisingly, had a good deal of heart as well. Basically, Speed Racer (that's actually the main character's name, his father's name is actually "Pops Racer") grew up idolizing his racing brother. After allegations of dirty tricks, his brother is killed in a rally race, and Speed grows up to carry on his legacy. A business tycoon offers Speed a sponsorship, and when Speed turns it down informs him that racing is rigged and that he's just ruined his only chance at being a champion. Now, with the help of his parents, his annoying little brother, a monkey, another guy whose place in all of this is never quite explained, and the mysterious Racer X, Speed is going to change the world by driving really, really fast.
Yeah, sure, whatever. It's all an excuse for some mind boggling sci-fi racing, and even a few great martial arts sequences. The only parts that bugged me involved his little brother, and an emotional scene with... some guy (who works for his father, I guess?)... that totally was not earned by that character at any point in the movie. This is a cartoon, plain and simple. The acting is hammy, though it's obvious it's supposed to be that way, and the action is wild, and that's good enough for me.
By the way, this movie also features Christina Ricci looking about as adorable as it's possible for a human being to look. I had kind of given up on her after she did a series of scuzzy and morally bankrupt roles, but here she is in a wholesome part once again. I hope this sets her career in a new direction. She's better than her most recent roles.
